Today I was walking on the side of the street. I heard someone whistle at me and I fe...

Today I was walking on the side of the street. I heard someone whistle at me and I felt really flattered. It wasn't until I heard the noise again when I noticed the "whistling" was coming from a bird. I still felt really flattered.

Today, at my school, we had to take our final exams. I walked into the classroom and sat down at my desk, mentally preparing myself for the test. Just then, someone shut off the lights, and I look up to see Finding Nemo playing on the wall screen. As we all sat back to watch, my teacher handed out bags of popcorn to the whole class. New favorite teacher? Heck yes.

Today, right after I had proposed to my girlfriend, (to which she said yes! :D), this man who must have been about 60, walks up, gives me a high-five and whispers in my ear, "Dude, you're so in there."

Today I was in an awkward situation, and needed a moment. I chewed it over with Twix.

Today when I was on the school bus, we were coming to a round-about. My bus driver went around it 3 times as we all cheered her on. I have a new respect for her.

Yesterday, I was on my treadmill when I started listening to my iPod. I didn't notice that the volume was all the way up. It was so loud when the song started that it startled me and I tripped. Now I have burns and scratches all over my face and arms. I'm going to tell everyone at school I was atttacked by puppets.

Today, my professor misspelled the word "misspell." I was the only one that noticed.

In Pennsylvania it is illegal to sleep on top of a refrigerator outdoors. There goes my hopes and dreams.

Today, while walking to class, I noticed a "Wet Paint" sign on the wall, so, naturall...

Today, while walking to class, I noticed a "Wet Paint" sign on the wall, so, naturally, I touched it. When I got to class, I noticed six other people, including the professor, had beige paint smudges on their hands. We're in an Honours Biology course.

I recently put a bumper sticker on my car that stated that i support gay marriage. Today, i was driving to work and noticed a car started following me and followed me for over 10 miles. I started getting creeped and thought i would stop at a populated gas station and wait for them to leave. After i pulled in the gas station i no longer saw the car so i thought id get some coffee and calm down. When i came back out to my car i was kamakaze-hugged by two very flambouyant men dressed in rainbow. They loved my bumper sticker and really wanted to hug me for it.

Today, I was sitting in my grandmother's livingroom, crocheting a blanket for my room. I look over to see my grandma on her facebook. I feel that somewhere along the lines, the tables have turned.

Today, my mom decided to take away my ipod touch because she thought I was spending to much time listening to music and playing games. I then took out my CD player and gameboy.

Today, while eating lunch with my family, my brother curled his tongue and used it to drink his milk. I said it's like a poratble straw. It wasn't until my sister pointed out that all straws are portable that I realized what I'd said.

Today is Justin Bieber's birthday. Today is also Ron Weasley's birthday. I think we all know who wins here...

I saw a banana peel in the middle of the road today. For about two seconds, I seriously considered making a Mario Cart swerve just to avoid it.

Today my friend asked to borrow my phone to make a call. I gave it to her. A minute later I started to frantically search for my phone around the room. I decided to interrupt her conversation to ask where it was. She handed my phone back to me.

Today, I bought some Silly Putty. I haven't done so for a couple years, so I looked at the package for a while and read the warnings. It said to be careful because Silly Putty can stick to clothes and hair, and under that it said that Silly Putty should not be used as ear plugs. I wonder how many idiots have tried that before they had to put it on the warning label.

Yesterday at work (I'm a cashier) some guys total came to $6.66. I was kind of amazed when I told him what he owed. But the guy freaked out and grabbed some candy, saying he couldn't buy anything with 'that number' on it. So his final total was $7.49, which was not very amazing.

Today my three year old sister learned that cats do NOT like being baptized with the ...

Today my three year old sister learned that cats do NOT like being baptized with the Garden hose.

Today my friend and I were driving to the mall. My friend got really excited because she saw a hott guy pass by so I sped up to take a look. As we stopped at a stop light, I rolled down the window and said, "Dinner's at 7." to which he replied "Okay, are you playing?" I replied, "Only if I can bring a friend." My friend will never know that this "hott guy" was my older btoher and that tonight is family game night.

A while ago, I had a life skills class at school, and we were talking about the difference between things we want and things we need. When my teacher asked what an example of something you want but don't need, thinking of people buying expensive designer clothes instead of less expensive non-designer clothes, I said "clothes". There was an awkward silence.

Today, I changed my mouse curser to a dinosaur. My little brother suggested I change my back ground to the Tokyo skyline. We've spent the past 5 minutes making dinosaur noises and making him stomp around Tokyo.

I have a boys' name. I went to a new doctor one day and the first thing he says to me is, "You're a girl!" Thank you, Captain Obvious, I didn't notice.

Today, I was making fun of my two friends, one for being Irish, and one for being an Italian. Then they were so kind as to remind me that I'm Irish, Italian, and blonde.

Today at church, my friend and I opened up our books to the first song. The song was obsessing over God's undefying love and the good in his ways. It was on page 666. The only people who found this funny were me, my friend, and the 80-year-old pastor.

Today, my friend, who was trying to impersonate Squidward, hollered, "I HAVE TESTICLES!" It took her a minute to figure out why I was on the floor laughing.

A few weeks ago, i read an

Today I read an

Today I went to a kiosk and asked for a coke, the cashier then asked me if pepsi was ...

Today I went to a kiosk and asked for a coke, the cashier then asked me if pepsi was okay, remembering a group I had recently join on Facebook I responed with "Is monopoly money okay?" the cashier thought for a minute walked away and came back a couple of minutes later holding a coke. New friend? I think so.

Today, I was going to post another story, but I saw the "coded message" you have to type at the bottom of the screen said "hotcake THAT". That is officially my new favorite saying.

Today, one of my friends tried to convince me that gullible wasn't in the dictionary. Even though I wasn't falling for it, I took out a dictionary and looked. I then exclaimed "Oh my gosh isn't!" he said "Really?!" It was. Ah the irony.

Today i realized i had the coolest back pack in the school. It has a dinosaur hood. In middle school i would've been shunned for this, but in High school, i'm offically the coolest person on campus.

Today, I noticed there was braile on the buttons on the drive-thru ATM. It's good to know that if a blind person ever needed to withdraw money while driving, he wouldn't have a hard time reading the machine.

Today, I was standing in my bathroom. For some reason I had a lighter in my hand. I saw my Q-tips and had a great idea. I lit the cotton on both ends of fire, and pretended like I was a flaming baton spinner in the circus.

One day I overheard my 11 year old brother talking with his friend about a website she had found one time and wanted to show him. She said, "I can't remember what the name was, but I know it ended in 'dot com'..."

Today in psychology class we took a personality quiz where we had to draw pictures in blank boxes. According to the test, my "main interest" is an epic pirate vs. ninja battle.

Today my sisters and I were playing Duck Hunt on the old Nintendo system. They kept doing really well and I couldn't hit any. So, joking, I asked them what their secret was. They both responded that they pretended to shoot people that they didn't like and they never missed. I took their advice and my next turn I pretended to shoot Miley Cyrus, Robert Pattinson and Barney. I never missed.

Today, I rented the film D�j� vu. Ten minutes in the movie it skipped and went back to the beginning. Thinking this was part of the 'D�j� vu' effect, I kept watching. After five repeats, I was kind of suspicious and took the dvd out, only to realize it was scratched. Ironic, isn't it?

Today, after watching Apolo Ohno get disqualified in the olympic speed skating, I yel...

Today, after watching Apolo Ohno get disqualified in the olympic speed skating, I yelled OH NO Ohno! Then laughed at the irony.

Today, my friends and I sat in the listening booth of our favorite music store, which has two glass walls facing out onto the street. We were waving at passers-by and trying to get them to wave back, when the owner of the music store suggested we write signs to attract their attention. Sign #1 (I'm made of wax - what are you made of?" gained a phone number, while Sign #2 (Is your name Larry???) gained an actual Larry. Saturday well spent; we're planning on doing the same thing tomorrow. But with cookies.

Today, I learned that my 3 year old sister is extremely afraid of tacos.

Today, I bought a pack of socks. I was zoned out and looking at the pack. It was resealable, with a ziplock. It was then that I asked myself, "Why would I need to put them back inside?"

I work at a daycare, and the other day two little boys I was taking care of lead me into the bathroom and closed the door. Thinking we were playing a game, I allowed this. I then heard scraping and grunting noises. Curious, I tried to open the bathroom door, but to no avail. Turns out the kids were busy dragging every object in front of the door to baracade me in.

Today, I was reading a book on evolutionary psychology. According to some studies that have been done on what traits are found attractive, average faces are considered the most attractive. It's good to be average.

Today, I discovered the scariest thing ever, the feeling of going to far in a rocking chair.

Today, during band class my director was yelling at the trombone section, he wanted them to play louder, he said "When you come up to a six foot pole, you don't just blow it, you blow it HARD!" he was the first to laugh.

I read an

Today I read an Today, I was in Publix ordering a delicious sub. While the worker w...

Today I read an

Today, I was in Publix ordering a delicious sub. While the worker was preparing it, I glanced around me and saw packaged hard-boiled eggs. I looked closer at them and saw the allergen information on them. "Warning: contains eggs." At least they were being thorough.

Today, my 12-year-old brother checked out an informational book titled "Marijuana" from his school library. As he was walking back to class he made sure to inform all the staff and students that he had found "Marijuana" in the library. I wish I would have been there to see their faces.

Today, I was in math class and i was complaining to my teacher about how I skipped breakfast and I was super hungry. Just as the period ended she came up to me and told me she didn't have a class next period and asked if i wanted to go to the McDonalds a few miles from school. I skipped school with my math teacher. New favorite teacher? I think so!

Today, I said the name "Voldemort," and my cousin freaked out and told my never to say the name of the one who "shall not be named." She's 20.

Today, after reading an

Today, I woke up with the flu, I told my boyfriend that I didn't want him to see me looking like death. He came over 15 minutes later, with the Lion King, checkers, otter pops and Harry Potter 7. Best.Boyfriend.Ever.

I live in a co-ed housing dorm (girls on odd # floors, boys on even) over the weekend my friends and i from the fourth floor successfully planned and executed a hostile take over the girls 5th floor lounge. Essentially we built a giant blanket fort using all of our bedsheets that encompassed their entire lounge and posted "NO GIRLS ALLOWED" signs. I love college!

Today was my last day of finals in college, my roommates discovered my boyfriend and I, in a fort made out of furniture and blankets. Watching Finding Nemo, and reading Harry Potter out loud, voices and all.

Today, I was walking through the music hall of the local college. I was looking at upcoming concerts on the bulletin boards, and on each board noticed there were Disney Princess coloring pages. Each page had been colored in and had been signed by one of the boys in instrumental music.

Today, I mistook a glue stick for my chap stick. Today i am home sick from school. ...

Today, I mistook a glue stick for my chap stick.

Today i am home sick from school. My friend's phone accidentally called me from orchestra, and I spent 30 minutes listening to his conversations and the music playing. After a while I started screaming out his name, but he didn't hear me. Seizing the opportunity, I blasted the karaoke track of Bohemian Rhapsody and sang it into the phone, full on, while adding sound effects. Halfway through I heard his voice. "WHY THE HELL IS MY POCKET SINGING?!?"

Today, I went to assembly at my school there was a huge sign above the door that read "WARNING: Cheerleaders". I'm glad to know that my school is looking out for the student body.

Today, my teacher came back from trying out for American Idol. (I know it sounds fake, but he actually did.) They didn't show his on television, so everyone was asking him questions about if he got in or not. He finally told the class, "Remember, curiousity killed the cat." But then this kid goes, "Yes, but Simon Cowel killed your self esteem." His face was priceless.

Today, my campus began our game of Humans vs Zombies, basically a large game of tag. I've survived the invasion for Day 1.

Today, I went to celebrate my grandma's birthday. She is very senile but she loves movies so I took her to "Blind Side" knowing she wouldn't actually care what the movie was about. A line was "Instinct". In reply, she shouted, "NO YOU STINK!" When the theatre turned around to shush her, she yelled, "Oh shut the hell up, assholes." I think I'll go to the movies with my grandma more often.

Today I found out that ants cannot shut their eyes. After sharing this information with my girlfriend she tells me "but they close their eyes in a bug's life!" I knew there was a reason I loved her.

Today i saw someone write PROM?! on a piece of paper and tape it to a locker. I decided that no one would say yes to someone who didn't spend the effort in coloring it so i went and got my twist able crayola crayons and colored it. I feel like i made someones day :)

Once in high school, my English teacher was giving us a lecture and asked us what would happen if all the Asian people in the world disappeared. A girl at the front of the class gasped and exclaimed, "Then there wouldn't be anyone to do our nails!" My teacher looked at me and asked in perfect Cantonese if she should get an F. I said yes. Never before has being Asian felt so powerful.